transforming traumatic experiences
2 minute read
In primary school I bit a classmate on the hand. The next day I was called to the principal’s office where I was reprimanded unfairly. I felt alone and without a voice.
This is what had happened the day before: two of my classmates had decided to capture me at recess and drag me around the yard, this way and that. They would not let me go and they would not tell me why.
I was wily enough to steer us toward the teacher on yard duty. Words of pleading left my mouth. To my disbelief he waved us away and told us to play somewhere else.
I could not understand how he did not know the gravity of my situation, worsened now that I had tried to dob them in!
I had pasted a pained smile on my face; maybe to keep things light or protect me in some way. Still I thought that of course he would see through that. But he didn't.
Now we know the trauma responses are fight, flight, freeze and fawn. This was the fawn response - the one where pretend to go along with the attacker / abuser to placate them - and it was meant to protect me.
Surely he saw all the other body language: my red face, the pain behind the smile? My sunken heart?
Eventually I decided to fight back. I dragged them both to the ground then bit one of the hands that held my wrist and fought my way free. The bell rang and I was back in the safety of the classroom.
I loved school and was fond of the Principal. This was just a small blip.
But the teacher on yard duty I never forgave.
Because of this incident, even as a 5th grader I was drawn to the world of observation and reflection on the nature of the human psyche. And each injustice since has called me deeper and deeper into a fuller sense of self and life.
"Trauma can break us, or it can break us open"
I could even thank this incident for giving me a profession that brings engagement and affinity with others into my life. I never want anyone to have their distress overlooked or be so profoundly misread.
As a therapist my role is to be available to the whole of a person. Not just what is being presented. When we use insight, look a little deeper and ask the right questions, we build connections rather than break them.
There have been may moments of powerlessness for many of us through the covid waves.
I don't have a one size fits all answer.
But I know it helps to acknowledge when something is traumatic and to shine a gentle light on it, in good time, and perhaps even with another whom we know we can trust.
Let's do the hard thing and be a soft place for each other to land.
With love and high hopes for our futures,
Katie