I was in LA visiting my boyfriend. This is back in around 2004 and there were tensions in the Middle East being aired on TV. We were staying at his parents home. I must have been an inconspicuous guest because one morning his mother was walking about the house saying things like “Just bomb them all to the ground.” It was in reaction to the reports she was hearing on the radio. Her energy was raw and real.
I was so shocked to hear her speak like this. Especially because she was a psychiatrist, an intellectual and a published author.
I could not comprehend how she has no interest in the people she was speaking of and that her wish was to eradicate them.
What was the point of all her knowledge if she has no compassion? How could her being offer anything of value to her clients or readership?
To me, fostering respectful connecting with others is one of life’s great purposes and joys. To me it seemed so simple to just have a heart that wants some peace for others even if they are thousands of miles away and have a different view of life and god.
I graduated from my formative years of rebelling and rejecting the world to arrive at a thing called Adulthood. It has brought me to a place where I honour all the people I encounter. No matter how different we are, friends, family, and people in our communities are given my respect.
This does not mean to suffer or put up with each other. It doesn’t even mean compromise. It actually means growing through knowing.
If we have some interest in knowing how the other side think, what makes them tick, and why they need what they need, then we have a chance of touching on that human connection. Our shared human-ness is more real than the illusions that divide us.
On reflection I see that my boyfriend’s mother was the disempowered child who, in her separateness, felt more powerful in a state of tantrum. Being an adult who can deeply respect others requires well practiced boundaries, an open ear and a clear voice. But more than that, a knowing that we are not separate in any way, we are in truth connected to all things, always.
There is a hubris about boxing people into categorise and putting them aside as though there were meaningless junk. An illusion of power comes from not needing other people. You don’t have to show them a scrap of your time or attention.
You might treat people online like this, or people you pass as you busily make your way to your destination.
I’ve been noticing many people are treating the newly marginalised people in our society like this. As though they can be spoken about badly, locked out, and silenced and that it won’t come back to bite us in any way.
My dear friends who oppose mandates and censorship and those who have not taken a vaccine are likely to be treated as though not worthy of a moments attention or curiosity.
Make a list of the people you fob off and name the group or category you put them in. “Lazy”, “Old fashioned”, “Teenybopper”, “Red neck”, “Druggy”, “Zealot”… gosh, the list is endless.
Even thinking that we know who ‘they’ are is a rather large mistake from any side of the equation.
I chose a life where no one is fobbed off and I presume all are welcome to my attention and respect.
This is not idealistic or impractical. It is a personal choice that transforms how I feel about others and myself and braodens my capacity to “be with” another.
A Big-ness of Spirit is what I wish for you, me and my boyfriend’s mum.
To practice connection, you might chose an exercise. Here is one I use:
Simply put yourself into another’s experience. See what they see, feel what they feel.
This yogic practice will bring you blessings.