I wrote in my local chat group the question “Where can we celebrate Chinese New Year”.
So I woke the next morning to the post “I’m sick of people calling it the Chinese New Year” and a string of posts that equated to public shaming and people trying to re-educate me.
“You mean Lunar New Year???” etc
I felt blood drain from my body because I had made someone feel “sick” and it was in a public domain. I also felt sad because the groups political correctness was resulting in shaming me as I’m sure it has been used to shame many others in the past.
I had not explained that my request was specific, and so it was presumed to be ignorantly exclusive.
My understanding is that political correctness is at its best when I am at my best:
When I am educating myself… taking a broader view… understanding different people and different situations than my own.
Along with this open mindedness is a gentle concern that others feel included and accepted.
That’s it. P.C. in a nutshell.
So P.C. could instead stand for Polite Conviviality or if you really want to go deep Powerfully Conscious, because it shares agency - with otherwise marginalised groups - consciously.
So why do we often hear rumblings and gripes about being P.C.?
Could it be because too often the open-minded, inclusive attitude only extends so far. We can be quick to pull people up who use outdated expressions. We become social Police Constables and turn up uninvited and unrequested. We don’t realise we’ve become judgemental, not openminded. We are inclusive only if you dot your i’s and cross your t’s. Otherwise you are OUT. And at worst, we think our buttons are somehow your responsibility.
If I were a local council or a government agency, then yes, feel free to pull me up. I would. Organisations are there to represent the people who make them up.
But when it comes to individuals… I think we are mostly doing our best to manage life and be true to our own experience. So it is fair to give a wide berth and let other be. If we are an articulate person we may find ways to share why we say things with specific sensitivity. The art/ skill is for that conversation to be just a simple share, which may land comfortably in another’s experience.
I get disappointed when open-minded inclusiveness is used to cut people down. It’s just not cool.
I’d rather converse with my 80 year old Mum with all her non-P.C. comments because hey, at least it is not masquerading as morally superior. If I listen deeply I can hear a raw truth of hers.
Just yesterday Mum told my husband, who had brought in the washing, that it was a woman’s job! A large part of her knows the idea is outdated and no longer relevant. Equally, I know there is a small truth from her life, from her history, that gets acknowledged when she says such a thing. She is communicating what was and what is inside of her, and the expectations she took on as a woman and a mother all those years ago. She is stating her past more than she is stating what should be. I know this and so I smile in acknowledgement of all of that, and the conversation moves on to other topics. Maybe this is not a pretty history, but it is a real one.
So when I ask where can I see Chinese New Year Celebrations this year, maybe I’m not taking about the broader Lunar New Year which Vietnamese and Koreans also celebrate. Maybe I am interested in the Chinese culture particularly and how they celebrate it.
So, can someone tell me… where can I take my kids to see Chinese dragons, eat Chinese dumplings, admire Chinese fireworks and speak the Chinese language (which the kids are studying at school)…? While my kids are asking about their Chinese-Timorese heritage and want to know more, can I please celebrate it guilt free?
And after all this, I’m now going to join in any Lunar New Year Festival, as long as everyone is happy and looking after each other.
So, having expressed all this, I feel clearer and I can now give a confident ‘sorry’ to the person I inadvertently upset. Confident because I don’t feel shamed or small or wrong. This is important because making people feel bad to get them to do good Does Not Work.
‘Sorry’ cannot happen when we do not have the bandwidth to include the other’s need to be heard because our need to not feel wrong is taking up the data stream.
And if I open my vision, I am sorry. It is possible this person from the chat group is really saying “I’ve had decades, and my family have endured decades, of not being seen for who we are.” So thank you to our PC Councils for finding the commonalities that includes our diversity: the Lunar New Year.
So here we have arrived: from shame and anger to high ideas and lessons learned, to a calming conclusion.
A funny side note: The next day I visited my girlfriend and she had made traditional Chinese food from my husband’s Chinese Timorese heritage: Hakka. We sat, ate and had a good ol’ laugh.